


Slipping Through my Fingers

by TheLawyersKeeper



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Panic Attacks, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Has PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 09:51:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17660522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLawyersKeeper/pseuds/TheLawyersKeeper
Summary: Nightmares are terrible things.But memories are so much worse.





	Slipping Through my Fingers

_Thanos snapped his fingers and Steve felt his ears ringing. He stared at the laughing titan with wide confused eyes._

_“Wha-“_

_“Steve?” Steve shot his head over to his lover’s face in watched in horror as Bucky looked at himself in confusion. Not yet noticing that his arm had disintegrated. Bucky looked up at him and began to slowly walk towards him, confusion and fear clear on his face._

_Whatever was happening, Bucky could feel it. He slowly moved towards Steve and he felt himself freeze to the spot. Willing his legs to move though they absolutely refused._

_Then to his horror. Bucky blew into dust, fragments of him fluttering soundlessly to the forest floor._

_Steve walked over in shock before falling to his knees next to the pile, placing his hand reverently in the pile. Praying that maybe he could will him back._

_It didn’t work._

_Others began disappearing around him and he gaped at Thanos._

_“What have you done?”_

* * *

 

Steve lurched awake with a heaving breath, sweat glistening on his chest as he gasped for air. He slowed his breathing before snapping his eyes open again.

“Buck-“ he reached out to his side, waiting to touch the form next to him on the bed which had been there every night without fail since Shuri had fixed him.

He wasn’t there.

Steve looked over at the empty space in the bed and a low moan erupted from his throat.

“No…” he ran a shaky hand through his dark hair as tears welled up in his eyes.

It wasn’t a dream, it was a memory.

Bucky was gone.

Steve drew his knees up to his chest, pressing his forehead to his kneecaps as he cried.

“Bucky, oh God” Steve let out a ragged sob and allowed himself to cry as  the warm Wakandan night continued around him.

* * *

 

Steve didn’t notice the sound of the water running in the bathroom, nor did he notice the brief flash of light when the ensuite door opened.

But he did notice the soft rumble and dip on Bucky’s side of the bed.

“Hey now, what’s all this then?” Steve looked up and for a moment he was in shock.

“Bucky?” Bucky’s slate eyes were filled with concern as he looked down at him, hair falling out of his ponytail as he nodded.

“Yeah baby-doll, what’s goin’ on?” Steve shook his head and wiped his eyes with his thumb as Bucky slowly pulled him into his arms. Steve knew he probably felt sticky and clammy compared to the solid warmth of Bucky’s chest, and for a moment he was reminded of when he was sick back in Brooklyn and Bucky would hold him tight at night to keep him from shaking apart with his coughing.

Steve slipped his arms around his waist and rested his head on his collarbone, focusing on the feeling of Bucky’s chest rising and falling as his breathed, his fingers lightly running through the blonde’s hair.

“Was it a nightmare? Hmm? Just a bad dream?” Bucky’s gravelly voice lulled Steve as he closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly.

“Memory” he murmured, pressing his face to his neck and kissing Bucky’s jugular. Bucky let out a soft _ah_ as he began to piece everything together. He gently leaned back against the headboard and pulled Steve more fully against his chest.

“Wanna talk about it?” Steve was silent for long time, gently running his fingers through the light spattering of chest hair his partner had, relishing in the occasional kisses Bucky pressed to his forehead. Bucky had almost thought he’s fallen asleep when he spoke again.

“You always slip through my fingers” Bucky hummed but remained silent, resting his cheek on top of his head.

“I always think, maybe, if I hold on a little tighter, you won’t disappear again. But no matter how hard I hold on, you always slip away” he tightened his grip on him and Bucky tightened his own arms in kind.

“M’sorry Stevie, I don’t keep meaning to leave ya” Steve sniffed and nuzzled him gently.

“I know you don’t” he whispered and Bucky cradled him close.

“M’not gunna do it again Stevie, I won’t leave you again okay?” Steve nodded and swallowed thickly as Bucky gently guided them back down to sleep.

“Just – don’t let go okay?” Bucky propped himself up on one arm and gently guided Steve’s chin to kiss him slowly before looking down at him gently.

“I ain’t ever lettin’ go of you baby-doll, I promise” Steve gazed up into his eyes and felt the last few flutters of anxiety leave him. He rolled onto his back and gently reached up to gently hold the side of Bucky’s neck as the moon softly illuminated their faces.

“I love you” Bucky smiled softly as Steve leaned up to kiss him again.

“I love you too Steve” the two pressed their foreheads together briefly before Bucky slowly laid back down, spooning up behind the captain and wrapping his arms around him tightly, pressing kisses to his shoulder.

“Go back to sleep baby-doll, was just a bad dream” Steve laced their fingers together against his chest and let out a shaky sigh as he closed his eyes again, slowly allowing himself to fall back asleep.

* * *

 

He woke up the next morning to the sun shining through the windows and strong presence next to his back. Steve slowly rolled over in Bucky’s embrace to watch him as he slowly woke up, slate eyes blinking open slowly and sleep soft smile greeting him.

“Mornin’ doll” Steve smiled and draped an arm across his hips, as he did every morning. He gently pressed their foreheads together and smiled.

“Morning sweetheart” Bucky gently cradled the back of his head and looked at him softly.

“You get back to sleep okay?” Steve nodded and nuzzled their noses together as he tangled his fingers in his dark hair.

“Wanna go get breakfast?” Steve sighed through his nose and pressed in close again.

“Not yet” Bucky hummed and kissed him gently before relaxing back against the pillows.

“Not yet” Steve relaxed back against the pillows again and closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling of the warm, solid body in his arms. Leaving no room for Bucky to move without moving Steve with him.

This time he’d hold on tight enough.


End file.
